


Strange Orders

by lost_spook



Category: 'Allo 'Allo!
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-08
Updated: 2013-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-24 05:10:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/630788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lost_spook/pseuds/lost_spook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As usual, Herr Flick has demands to make of Helga.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strange Orders

**Author's Note:**

> For akashasheiress.

“Helga,” said Herr Flick, now that she had arrived at his dark, damp and top secret Gestapo headquarters. “Unbutton your blouse.”

Helga shrugged to herself and began to do so.

“Wait.” Herr Flick turned around and addressed the other person present in the room. “Von Smallhausen, avert your gaze. Now, Helga, remove your top and lay it on my desk.”

Helga pursed her lips, but continued unbuttoning, and then cast off her army-issue blouse, revealing her habitual elaborate black and red lace underwear, and laid herself across Herr Flick’s desk.

“Helga, what are you doing?” said Herr Flick. “Do not be silly. You will interfere with some very important documents, not to mention smudging the ink on the birthday card that is intended for my godfather, Heinrich Himmler.”

“But, Herr Flick, you said that I should lay myself down here –”

“I told you to lay your blouse on my desk,” he corrected her. Then he paused, and added, “On second thoughts, you may remain where you are. You are far more attractive than my previous paperweight, which Von Smallhausen broke when he carelessly threw it through one of the windows of the chateau last week.”

“You told me to, Herr Flick.”

“I did no such thing.”

“Ah, yes,” said von Smallhausen, with a creaking sigh. “I remember now. I forgot to forget.”

“Is there any particular reason for which you required my blouse?” asked Helga, growing somewhat restless in her current awkward position. She considered the likelihood of getting an answer and instead asked: “Would you like me to kiss you? Observed from this angle you seem even taller and more dominating than usual, Herr Flick. I confess I find it _most_ exciting.”

“This is understandable, but no. Not yet. Contain yourself, Helga.”

“Very well, Herr Flick.”

“And keep still. You are carelessly draped over vital Gestapo forms. They are extremely complicated and bureaucratic and will not benefit from the wrigglings of a female officer of the opposite sex.”

“I shall endeavour not to damage them, Herr Flick,” said Helga, “but I fear the desk is not all that steady.”

Herr Flick looked at her and then swung back around. “Von Smallhausen, remove yourself. Take Helga’s blouse with you.”

“But it is part of my official German army uniform,” said Helga, in half-hearted protest. “For what purpose is Von Smallhausen taking it?”

“I cannot possibly tell you,” said Herr Flick. “It is top secret Gestapo business and highly sneaky. However, you may now kiss me.”

“Thank you, Herr Flick,” said Helga and as soon as he had manoeuvred himself into a suitable position – seemingly now unconcerned about the paperwork – she obliged as thoroughly as she could manage.


End file.
